11/18/2015

Femininity by Hillary Goodman

I am convinced I was born in the wrong era.  As a young girl I would dream of living in the times of Anne of Green Gables and picture myself wearing a fancy updo and a petticoat or corset.  Even now, as a grown woman, with every episode of Downton Abbey I fall deeper in love with formal breakfasts and courtyard strolls with parasols.  The chivalry of the gentlemen, the modest relations... call me old fashioned and I won’t be offended.  I’ll take it as a compliment.  A man holding the door for a woman and “ladies first” attitudes really get my heart going pitter patter.  

Enter the 21st Century. Booty shorts and cleavage may represent a certain mainstream crowd but this promoted representation of females doesn’t accurately portray all women.  What about women who want to emulate femininity?  There is a difference between trying to look sexy and feeling beautiful.  While much of femininity is interpreted as frilly dresses and ribbons and lace, as cliche as it sounds, its what’s on the inside that matters most.   Attributes of femininity include, gentleness, empathy, and sensitivity.

There is also a difference in femininity and being a feminist.  The world tells women we need more power, more responsibility, more duties.  I believe we already have power within ourselves when we enjoy the responsibilities and duties we own.  If you know who you are that power will rise within you. What has happened to women and the honorable role they play in this life? We have become distracted by popular pressures that counterfeit our true beauty and cause us to forget our effeminate character.  Women who are feminine radiate the power to feel beautiful, the power of respect, the power to nurture and love, and the power to lead generations with positive influence.   

 When women act with feminine presence, we are more likely to be respected as such. 
I’m fortunate to have a husband who was taught to honor women, and to this day he still stands when a woman enters a room.  He is teaching our sons to do the same.  In turn, his actions motivate me to be worthy of this tribute.  Our down to earth qualities and our ladylike charm are so needed in today’s world.  There is a careful balance wherein the more we act with grace, the more we will be valued as graceful.  It can be easy to give into the attitudes of Nancy Nag, Chatty Cathy or Trashy Trisha.  It would do our gender and the human race well to zero in on the things that uplift women instead of knocking them down.  It’s not just about high heels and hairdos.  There is transcendent power in being femine.

“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

 Women I know and have aspired to be like: (none of whom are famous)
-My mother : taught etiquette classes to young women, represented her state in several charity events, never breathed a word of complaint throughout her battle with cancer
-Anne Tanner : supported her husband who served as my Church Mission President while caring for over 200, 19 to 21-year-old young men and young women, and all with a smile on her face. 
-Cathy Redfern : welcomed me into her home, when I was away from my own home and prayed with and for me.  Even through her own trials, she taught me the importance of strength and hope.
-Jenni Doherty : shared her love for others with me.  She and her husband founded Daraja Acadamy, a boarding secondary school for Kenyan girls of poverty.

3 Tips for embracing the attributes of femininity
-Watch your language: not just swearing, refrain from gossip, complaining, and blaming others. Avoid the poison of jealousy and comparison (gentleness)
-Defend your role as a woman; unfollow people or sites who are negative about the value of women.  If you see something that, in your opinion degrades women, speak out or personally boycott that business.(sensitivity)
-sympathize with others who may be dealing with burdens, even when you are dealing with your own (empathy) Women need to bind together instead of ripping others apart.

3 Tips for looking and feeling more feminine for Girly Girls (like me)  
-Paint your nails; I was surprised to hear my older brother say one time, “I love it when women have their nails painted.  It shows they take care of themselves and care about the way they look”.
-Try a new lipstick.  Even a nude gloss can give you a bit of feminine flare.
-Wear a skirt or dress.  You act how you dress.  If you stay in your pjs all day, you’ll most likely end up having a lazy day. (which isn’t so bad once in awhile)




10/29/2015

A typical night at home...

This stage of our family right now is a little crazy, a lot of exhaustion and loads of fun! Even though there are nights when I lay in bed and wonder when the tantrums will be gone or the "Eww! I'm not eating that" phase will pass, I wish I could freeze time and enjoy the giggles of an 18 month old or the enjoyment of learning my 10 year old has.   I want to remember this stage, always.  We had a video made of a typical night at home.  Breea Guttery of Tell the Birds, has a gift.  She captured the details of our family perfectly and everytime I watch it, (ten times a day) I am overcome with emotion.  When I have had a particularly hard day because someone keeps eating the glue sticks, or an entire box cereal is strewn about the kitchen floor, or a lot of back talking has happened, I can escape and watch the highlights of the good and happy and sweet moments.  Which I'm hoping in the forthcoming years I turn grey, will be what I mostly remember.


9/16/2015

Boys Room

 I'm finally finished with the little boys room.  They started sharing a room almost 2 years ago, after we moved Harvey out of the nursery.  They are boys and they butt heads here and there...but for the most part I think they like sharing.  The room originally (and I mean 30 years ago originally) had forest green carpet and black and red fire engine wallpaper.  My oldest brother had the room all to himself somehow.

I was really inspired by Sarah Samuel's baby room for her sweet baby Archer.





I love to display things the kids have actually contributed to the room.  Like this mini artwork. Aren't the tiny canvas' so cute!? 




Originally we had two twin beds set up in here.  They took up the bulk of the room so it made it hard for the boys to play in their room.  We wanted to find some bunk beds that wouldn't break the bank. The boys love the bunk bed set up because it feels like more of a fort to them.  Owen gets the top bunk and has the perfect little area to put his current reading books and little treasures.  The bottom bunk is great for Harvey so if he falls off the bed, he won't fall far.  LOVE these IKEA beds!  I highly recommend them!





My mom had painted this on the wall about 15 years ago when my youngest brother took over the room.  I didn't have the heart to paint over it.







Paint colors:
upper walls-  Valspar seashell grey 
lower siding- Lowes swiss coffee
closet doors- BM Cheating hearts 


Beds: Ikea
sheets: The Land of Nod
pillows: Home Goods
Blankets: Ikea
curtains: Target
Dresser: Ikea
light: Pottery Barn
Rug: Overstock
Lamp: Home Goods
desk and stool: Home Goods
bike print: Caravaan Shoppe (Ikea frame)
color garland: Anthroplogie
Blue eyeball sconce: Urban Outfitters
wall shelf: Urban Outfitters
book shelf: made by my Grandpa
toy chest, reading chairs and typography shelf: vintage


8/28/2015

Kid space

Is there anything more fun than designing and decorating a kids space?  I think not!   When we moved back into my childhood home (you can read more about that here) I was super excited to decorate the rooms that were once mine and my siblings, for my own children.  Lots of fun, fighting, pranks, sleepovers, and timeouts occurred in these rooms over the years between my brothers and I.  And now I am blessed to see the same things happening for my littles.  I could often be found in my older brother's doorway most nights, asleep on the floor to escape my fear of the dark.  He wouldn't let me actually sleep "in" his room, so being right in the doorway was good enough for me.  

My goal for my children's rooms was to create an area they could feel gave them freedom.   Freedom to play, freedom to cry, freedom to read, freedom to be mad or think, or pray. Even though some of them share a room, they each have their own unique space.  I am working on some finishing touches before I share the final rooms.  Below are some of my favorite children's rooms inspiration photos.  I think children's room should be simple and eclectic.                                           

6/09/2015

No bummer summer!

I read somewhere that trying to clean a house full of kids is like trying to brush your teeth while eating oreos.  It's officially summer, which means school is out, which means kids are home! Which means the house is a disaster!  With my obsessive compulsive brain, I will admit that usually by the end of summer I am more than ready for a routine, and ready for the kids to go back to school.  But I really do try to embrace the fact that they get to be home with me.  And for the most part, they want to be home with me.  That probably won't last for too many more years.   While I like a clean home, during the summer I just have to let it slide more often.
With 5 kids, toys are constantly leaking their way out of every nook and cranny.  One way we have minimized this is by taking some of the more special toys that have lots of pieces or are collections, and putting them away for awhile.  Then when we are having an "I'm bored" day, we pull out the bin and it's like new toys all over again.  They stay out for a week or so and the kids really do play with them, A LOT.  And then when I can tell that they are starting to scatter, and the kids seem to be done with them, we clean it all up, pack it in it's box and put it away for awhile.  It's been a great system and the kids get more excited when we get these toys out.  When we take out these special boxes, I generally have them play with them in a different part of the house, other than the playroom.  That way the pieces don't get lost amidst the other everyday toys and when its time to put the away the pieces are, for the most part, easy to clean up!  That means for about a week, the parlor stays looking like this.  And I'm ok with that. (for a week!)


These toys are just so fun, even I can't even help but play with them!  



We call this the Downton Abby House!  Isn't it dreamy!?




This really helps minimize messes in other areas of the house that are mostly off limits to playing (like my bedroom).  A few years ago,  I got so sick of cleaning toys out of every space of the house that I literally took all of them and put them in "jail".  After 4 months of earning tokens, the kids were able to buy back some of their stuff.  But they learned a thing or two about being responsible for their stuff.  And we ended up getting rid of a lot of it.  We really don't have a ton of toys.  We learned that less is more.  The more they had, the more it just got dumped out and stirred around the room.  And the kids were overstimulated with too many toys.  It was like they just didn't know what to do with it all!  And what happened to a good old fashioned cardboard box and a stick!?  I'm definitely not anti toy, but I do like to encourage reading and fort making and swords-out-of-pvc-pipes-found-in-the-garage-kind of play!
 For the most part they know where they can play and where it's ok to make a mess.  The playroom gets a weekly clean by the kids.  They know if they make a mess, they get to clean it up, but again it's the oreo analogy so we just do it once a week. We take this time to throw away broken toys, missing pieces and the many candy wrappers that have been shoved under the couch.  It usually begins with lots of tantrums when I announce its time to pick up the playroom!
 Here is the playroom on a normal day, and it actually looks like its in good shape compared to how it usually looks!

There are lots of areas in our home that are ALL kid!  The playroom houses most of the toys, but the kids also have a few of their more special toys in their bedrooms.  Like special lego mini-figs, glass tea sets and favorite books.  We have an entire playroom dedicated to toys, games, movies, reading, lounging, screaming and making messes!  My parents added this room on when I was in junior high school.  I always tell the kids during the baby's nap, "If you want to be loud, go in the playroom!"

And here it is on a rare afternoon all clean!







Notice the red crayon drawing on the wall?





5/28/2015

Reality Check!


So far I have enjoyed working on this blog and sharing the changes of the house.  While that is one of the main things I hope to share, it's not the only thing.

I hope to portray real life.  I've had people say to me "you look like you live in a magazine!,"or "that is so Pinterest!"  While these statements are meant as a compliment, I cringe a little.  I don't mean to paint the perfect picture.  Life isn't perfect.  When it comes to social media, for the most part I think we all tend to put our best self out there.  Pictures of our happy family vacations, the cute things our kids do, the pretty vignette in our entry way, or the amazing meal we made for dinner are usually the things that make us the happiest and we want to share them.  Generally, what we don't share is the screaming and fighting that happened in the back seat on our family vacation, when our kids yell at us, the mess in our family room, and the fast food meal we threw at our kids for dinner.  But sometimes that is reality.  In fact, most of the time that is reality!  And when we can all recognize that others are having those moments of craziness too, life feels better.  Because of our human nature we compare ourselves to others.  But we tend to compare our worst selves to others' best selves.

Someone once said to me that to me that it seemed like my trials were easier to endure because they were public and therefore I had lots of help and lots of prayers in my behalf and lots of support.
While many of the trials I have had in my life have been public, I have had my share of private trials as well.  Things I have never shared with anyone and things I have only shared with close family that have rocked me to the core.  We all have have private trials and when we can see that other's do too we play less of the comparison game and more on the side of the support team.

I have learned that you never really know the whole story or the full picture of another's life.  And to some degree it's better that way.  
What I am trying to say it there are a lot of people who suffer in silence, whose burdens are unknown and whose cries for help are only heard by God.  Just because we see a picture of them at the lake in their super cute bikini and tan, toned arms, doesn't mean they have the perfect life.  And we don't have to know all the details of their lives in order to love them, or to be happy for them, or to cheer them on.  Posts about a good time,  doesn't necessarily equal no hard times.  These are just highlights!

Off soapbox......
I have welcomed you into my home and my head.  So in lieu of that, here is the before and afters of our entryway.  The first room you see in the house.  MY has it changed!!!! (keep in mind a lot of the pictures I have of the house were from when my mom decorated for Christmas!)



And AFTER:













Reality Check!  Here is what it looks like most of the time!  A pillow who must have been victim to being aimed at another child, backpack that didn't make it past the front door on the last day of school an entire week ago, Lightning McQueen who makes it into every room throughout the day, one flip flip, a teacup, Mickey Mouse, a marker lid(really that one is just strange), a teacup and lego mini-figures.



 Still to do to the entryway:
-resand and stain floors (they haven't been redone in over 30 years)
-change railing to something more modern
-possibly paint hand rail and risers black
-replace sconces and chandelier

rug // plant basket // dresser (craigslist) // dresser hardware // vase // art (my mother's original)  windows (vintage) // paint is swiss coffee // You Are Here prints 
black round box (Goodwill) // cake plate and bust statue (vintage) // no whining banner
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